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Mortgage on the Cow

Another Hiebert skit. Throughout the skit, all characters bob up and down, bending their knees in rhythm with the lines. I'm not sure how the ending of the story fits in with being missionary kidsŠ

(As skit begins, Pa is on stage, looking worried. Ma enters.)

Ma: Howdy, Pa.

Pa: Howdy, Ma.

Ma: S'matter, Pa?

Pa: We ain't got the money for the mortgage on the cow.

Ma: Why ain't we got the money for the mortgage on the cow?

Pa: 'Cause we ain't got the money for the mortgage on the cow.

Both: Sob, sob. Sob, sob, sob.

(Lukie enters.)

Lukie: Howdy, Ma; Howdy, Pa.

Ma/Pa: Howdy, Lukie.

Lukie: S'matter, Ma? S'matter, Pa?

Ma/Pa: We ain't got the money for the mortgage on the cow.

Lukie: Why ain't you got the money for the mortgage on the cow?

Ma/Pa: 'Cause we ain't got the money for the mortgage on the cow.

All 3: Sob, sob. Sob, sob, sob.

(Ebenezer enters.)

Ebenezer: Howdy, Ma. Howdy, Pa. Howdy, Lukie.

All 3: Howdy, Ebenezer.

Ebenezer: S'matter, Ma? S'matter, Pa? S'matter, Lukie?

All 3: We ain't got the money for the mortgage on the cow.

Ebenezer: Why ain't you got the money for the mortgage on the cow?

All 3: 'Cause we ain't got the money for the mortgage on the cow.

All 4: Sob, sob. Sob, sob, sob.

(Sheriff enters.)

Sheriff: Howdy, Ma. Howdy, Pa. Howdy, Lukie. Howdy, Ebenezer.

All 4: Howdy, Sheriff.

Sheriff: I've come to get the money for the mortgage on the cow.

All 4: But we ain't got the money for the mortgage on the cow.

(Sheriff becomes threatening.)

Sheriff: But I've got to have the money for the mortgage on the cow.

(Lukie and Ebenezer come toward Sheriff; Ma and Pa look frightened.)

Luk/Eben: But we AIN'T got the money for the mortgage on the cow.

(Sheriff becomes very belligerent.)

Sheriff: But I've GOT to have the money for the mortgage on the cow.

(Lukie and Ebenezer pull out their guns.)

Luk/Eben: Bang, bang. Bang, bang, bang.

Sheriff: Oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh.

(Sheriff falls down and dies.)

All: Now we don't HAVE to have the money for the mortgage on the cow.
Rah, rah. Rah, rah, rah.